The rallier
Emily Koh
The Ralliers is a collection of interviews with female creators we admire. We look for women who make hard choices in exchange for self-defined lives. You'll leave these stories with wisdom, comfort and beauty too.
Describe yourself.
Hello Ralliers! I am a daughter, sister, and friend. A New Yorker. Right now, I am engaged, enraged, worried, hopeful and determined. I am a human trying to figure out the world and what I can do to make it better.
How have you broken with tradition in exchange for a self-defined life?
I tend not to think about tradition when making choices. This question made me reflect on how my life has been shaped by new traditions, ones that were fought for by activists for decades and that we continue to fight for today. My parents’ marriage is possible because of Loving v. Virginia, my education is possible because of Title IX, my career is possible because of #MeToo, and my beliefs and opportunities have been influenced by countless social movements, both past and present.
I love sticking to a uniform. Right now, I mostly wear t-shirts, sweaters and jeans, including a pair of denim overalls that I’ve been living in this fall. I spend very little time deciding what to wear, and always gravitate towards a certain style – variations on a theme: navy, stripes. I have a clear sense of what I like and don’t like, and prioritize comfort when picking out clothes. Most of all, I want what I wear to serve as an extension of who I am, and to not think twice about what I have on after I get dressed.
I work at TIME’S UP. We aim to create a society free of gender-based discrimination in the workplace and beyond. We fight for a world where everyone is safe and respected at work. A world where women have an equal shot at success and security, and where no one lives in fear of sexual harassment or assault at work. Between now and Election Day, we are laser-focused on getting people to the polls through #InHerHonor, a campaign we launched in the wake of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s passing that calls on people to vote in her honor and in honor of millions who deserve our compassion and care.
I am searching for ways forward. We are living through an extremely volatile and transformative moment that calls on each of us to determine what we can do to make our future more just.
I am searching for ways forward. We are living through an extremely volatile and transformative moment that calls on each of us to determine what we can do to make our future more just. I often turn to Marge Piercy's To be of use, and the image of people “who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart, / who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience, / who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward, / who do what has to be done, again and again.” This gorgeous poem captures how I want to contribute – both in this moment and beyond.
One life lesson I am constantly learning, and relearning, is to not hold on to anything too tightly and to practice letting go. This is hard for me to do because I like to strive and can easily fixate on things when I am focused on achieving a particular outcome. I must remind myself that you cannot control how everything will work out, and – in trying to – can close yourself off to possibilities that you did not envision. Rather than zero in, you have to open up. The best thing you can do is to move in the direction of what you want and then remain open to what happens.
What are you struggling with?
So much! I am filled with both dread and determination – and running mostly on adrenaline right now. I am struggling with loss and honoring the memory of family and friends who have died this year. I am overwhelmed by how much urgent work there is to do and by how much is at stake, and am deeply motivated by everyone stepping up and taking action in this critical moment.
What brings you comfort?
I quarantined with family for a number of months and we made a point of preparing and eating together every night. We would gather on the early side and start dinner by sharing how our days went. When the meal was over, we would turn on the PBS NewsHour and watch it all together. That routine kept me informed, grounded and connected – and brought me tremendous comfort.
Share a good read, watch, or listen.
I have been reading voraciously – mostly nonfiction books and articles, but novels too. Standouts include: From #BlackLivesMatter to Black Liberation by Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor, These Truths by Jill Lepore, Fear City by Kim Phillips-Fein, and Women, Race & Class by Angela Davis. I also escaped into Edith Wharton’s The Custom of the Country and am steadily watching all twelve seasons of Murder, She Wrote.
Tell us about something new.
I bought a small painting from one of my favorite artists, Vanessa Prager, during quarantine. I saw the painting of a small vase in her Instagram stories and messaged her to see if it was for sale. We had a lovely exchange about her work, which was as great a gift as the painting itself.
Tell us about a gift you gave someone.
Recently, the husband of a close friend got hurt in a freak accident and needed surgery. I bought them a gift card to a restaurant close to their house so that they had some meals on me while he recovered. We live far from one another, and this was the next best thing to leaving a home-cooked dish on their doorstep.
Tell us about something you created.
Over the last few months, I have worked with friends and colleagues to create ways for people to come together and stay connected, even though we cannot gather in person. At work, my teammates and I organize Break Room, a virtual space where we meet for group activities and to hang out. Alongside friends, I launched a series called Power & Privilege, where we bring folks across our networks together to examine how race has shaped our lived experiences and to take action to advance racial justice.
Share a Takeaway.
Here are a few!
First: Election Day is rapidly approaching and voting is already underway in states across the country. Make sure you vote and help others vote too. Visit When We All Vote to get started.
Second: take action on issues you care about on an ongoing basis rather than just in moments of crisis. Donate. Volunteer. Roll up your sleeves. Amplify the work of organizations, activists and journalists that you admire. Organizations I support include: TIME’S UP, Fair Fight, Equal Justice Initiative, The Movement for Black Lives, Higher Heights, The 19* and THE CITY.
Finally: this is an extremely tough time and I know we’re all feeling it.
I see you. I love you. Keep going.
Emily is the Director of Strategic Initiatives at TIME’S UP. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram.
P.S. The pieces in our stories are always authentically picked. When purchased, we sometimes receive compensation in return. Thank you for supporting!
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